SO, woke up hella early. like at 7. and called thomas to see if he still wanted to go to Army Navy football at SC, nd he said yeah. so cleaned the house, took a shower & got ready. so we met up there at 9 nd OF COURSE! ARMY beats navy(: afterwards, we went to go eat Pho, YUMMMMMMMYYY(: and then we walked to tutti frutti, and i had my first cup of frozen yogurt w/ topppings. it was ALRIGHT tho. after that. we went to target just to walk around. i bought eyeliner, and then we waited for tran to come pick us up so i can go home. and now it’s 2:16, and i have to wait till 3 so my mom can pick me up nd take me to julies house, cos Mo-town ppl are here. idk why tho. but today was a nice day.

babe you know wssup (;

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i want one !

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YUEEEP, from thanks giving till now. nd i barely got home. friggin wasted hella time cruising around san jose with my family, nd making fun of ppl who were waiting outside of best buy nd walmart nd all that. i went eastridge for black friday, i know right WHACK! but it was kinda a good thing cos barely anyone was there, got tehre at 4 nd left around 5ish. i bought 2 new pairs of booots. imma bout to go back there right now hopefully to get my coat, cos i was rushed when i was there, but yeah we fena go back cos my mom wants to go. Since she didnt realize all hte good deals. but damn, yesterday was such a long day, nd its even been a longer morning. nd im still not tired. :O wellps gotta go.

HMMMMMMMMM, let’s see. woke up at 9 took a shower, did my make up nd got ready. Swept/ mopped the house nd headed out to julies house. they made most of the food without me D:. HELLA WHITE PPL FOOOD THO! julie made mashed potatoes, stuffing nd corn bread. nd we worked together on hte turkey nd ham, which by the way came out hellllaaa bomb. We read some verses of the bible, nd sang worship songs, giving thanks to the lord. nd hella GRRRRRUBBBED. cleaned up the mess, LMAAAAO! Frigggin’ julie, nd her short shorts. she was on all fours scrubbing the oven, nd she turned to me, popping out her boooty, nd was all, ” Aye Amy, is this sexy?” lmao whata loser. after everything we went upstairs to talk nd chill. Then my step brother called and asked if we could go pick up my dad again =l….. now im home waiting to go to black friday. I jsut wanna go, get the shit i need nd come back home. cant wait to go to modesto for the rest of the weekend. havent seeen them in the longest time.. neeeda see whats neew with them. This thanksgiving was plain nd simple. but i wished we couldve done it with the whole family. like everyone from san jose, modesto, fresno nd merced. we havent had one of those yet. times like this where i need to spend time with my family.

I’m thankful for:

Jesus, for sacrificing, so that I can be forgiven.

Julie, for being my ride or die (:

Mom, for keeping me in check.

Dad, for being the understanding parent (:

Thomas, for being there, through thick nd thin.

Love you guys sooo dearly.

happy thanksgiving everyone.

Everytime i sit down and think hard for hours , it makes me realize that sometimes letting go would be best for you, even though it wouldnt be that great for me. I’d be lying to myself if I think that we’re going anywhere, but at hte same time I can’t think of no one else who would try to put up with the worst of me. You keep giving subtle signs that you kinda dont want me around. So I take it upon myself to give u that “space” that u ask for, and it seems to not be fixing anything. Tell me what could I say, or do to bring it back to the way that we both want it to be? cos I’d do anything. but me working for our relationship, so that it can be happy wont work if u dont want it to work. You say you still love me, I know that. and of course like I always say, I’ll always love you, cos u never really loose love for someone if u truely love them, u merely loose the relationship between eachother. We’re fading so far apart and it kills me. You keep wanting to put this situation under the rug, but I dont know how I can do that when its all up in my face, and i have to deal with it constantly. I’m still very willing to be in this relationship, are you ? i still dont know. Im not trying to play hte role of hte victim here, i just want to have the security of knowing if you still want this relationship, or if u just wanna let go and move on. I dont want you to be with me out of pitty, or because you dont wanna break me, cos honestly I think thats one of the only circumstances ur still in the relationship. If thats the case dont worry, yeah It’ll shred me apart, but eventually time will heal those wounds. I love you without a doubt. I jsut want you to be happy, and its evident that ur not happy anymore, mainly cos of me and how our relationship is spiraling downward. I’d do anything for you to be happy again, even if that means letting you go. You even said urself that you’ve wanted to end it, but couldnt bring yourself to do it. I dont wanna walk on the edge of the cliff. I wither want to be stable, where both feet are on the ground, or off hte edge, where eventually ill get back on my feet. Im hanging on, when it seems like theres nothing to really hang on to. I still want to do all those things we talked about doing TOGETHER, im still up for having a movie night at ur place, flying first class to Italy, all of tht. Im still here. Waiting,

so u jsut let me know alright.